I Know My Calculus
f (x) = who fucking cares. Honestly, if it can't be done by putting apples into baskets, it has no place in my math class. Math has always haunted me ever since the days of flashcards. Failing algebra 2 twice in high school almost cost me the opportunity to go to college in the first place. When i finally did make it to college i was greeted with a class called "college algebra" Here is a math equation for you: 4 years of algebra in high school = C in "college algebra" basically proving that i will never be good at algebra.....ever. Then came Statistics class. Here is a list of things i would rather do than statistics:
-get a papercut on my eyeball
-watch "the view"
-get hit in the nuts with the backswing of a golf club
-ride my bike into a parked car
The major flaw with statistics is that it doesn't matter to anyone or anything. Trust me. Stats fails to take into consideration that little thing called the X-factor, that thing that goes against all logic and changes all probabilities instantly. Here is another equation: i go to about 70 % of my classes so the probability that i will go to my next class would be .7 however i am really hungover and its a review session so what is the probability that i will go to my next class. I'll tell you this.....sorry statistics but it ain't 70% pal. True Story: I remember one time i was casually holding my statistics textbook while having a conversation with one of my suitemates. Out of no where i took my book and threw it as hard as i could against the wall and yelled at my book, "What was the probability of that happening? Yeah, I bet you didn't see that one coming!!" I had just demonstrated the X-factor to my textbook rendering the life works of some author completely meaningless. Congrats, i win. So with all this in mind, i procrastinated on the fact that i would probably have to take Calculus to graduate. Everyone that i talked to laughed at me when i told them that i was in calc yet never had pre-calc or trig. I knew math was going to get the upper hand on me again. I didn't let it. I dropped that class like a bad habbit. I told my step dad (Len) today that i dropped calc. Here are actual quotes from him that i would like to share with you. "Calculus? who needs that fucking shit, you tell me some asshole learns that and he is going to use it? That stupid x's and o's bullshit (at this point i almost lose it and piss myself i am laughing so hard) Who is making you take that garbage? I'd like to go down there and show him a thing or two about life and how it works to normal people." The fact that Len wanted to fight my teacher over the principle that he taught calculus has made my day so far. So once again i am in a low level math, where i belong, happy and content counting apples and oranges.
Math hates the fact that i am happy now.
-get a papercut on my eyeball
-watch "the view"
-get hit in the nuts with the backswing of a golf club
-ride my bike into a parked car
The major flaw with statistics is that it doesn't matter to anyone or anything. Trust me. Stats fails to take into consideration that little thing called the X-factor, that thing that goes against all logic and changes all probabilities instantly. Here is another equation: i go to about 70 % of my classes so the probability that i will go to my next class would be .7 however i am really hungover and its a review session so what is the probability that i will go to my next class. I'll tell you this.....sorry statistics but it ain't 70% pal. True Story: I remember one time i was casually holding my statistics textbook while having a conversation with one of my suitemates. Out of no where i took my book and threw it as hard as i could against the wall and yelled at my book, "What was the probability of that happening? Yeah, I bet you didn't see that one coming!!" I had just demonstrated the X-factor to my textbook rendering the life works of some author completely meaningless. Congrats, i win. So with all this in mind, i procrastinated on the fact that i would probably have to take Calculus to graduate. Everyone that i talked to laughed at me when i told them that i was in calc yet never had pre-calc or trig. I knew math was going to get the upper hand on me again. I didn't let it. I dropped that class like a bad habbit. I told my step dad (Len) today that i dropped calc. Here are actual quotes from him that i would like to share with you. "Calculus? who needs that fucking shit, you tell me some asshole learns that and he is going to use it? That stupid x's and o's bullshit (at this point i almost lose it and piss myself i am laughing so hard) Who is making you take that garbage? I'd like to go down there and show him a thing or two about life and how it works to normal people." The fact that Len wanted to fight my teacher over the principle that he taught calculus has made my day so far. So once again i am in a low level math, where i belong, happy and content counting apples and oranges.
Math hates the fact that i am happy now.
posted by mcbride at 1:36 PM
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