Please Park Accordingly
Its not even up for debate that i should just be in charge of everything, i mean look at the ideas i have. I have solved some pressing social problems with this blog but if you ever had any doubt about my abilities to fix things....read this.
Here is my idea. Stores should have parking according to weight classes. For example a skinny person should get front row parking because they really dont need the exercise plus they move faster so they will get their shopping done faster thus opening the parking spot faster for the next person. However fat people would get parking that was really far away making them walk the furthest to get to the store thus helping them get into shape. Their is no question that Americans are becoming obese at an alarming rate and their is also no question that mall parking lots are full of fat people that will drive around for a half hour just so they can wait till a front row parking space opens up. By doing this they increase the chance of both accidents and me writing an entry about them. With this proposal people that are in shape are rewarded for their self dicipline and people that are fat are rewarded with the opportunity to get a workout and burn calories. Parking spaces could just have signs that designate weight class. Handicapped people could still have their spots upfront but i would just reduce the number of spots cause honestly, when have you seen all of the handicapped spots filled with handicapped peoples.....never. At that rate, in 10,000 years this is how many times a handicapped person will be left without a spot......never. Oh wait, exactly. Get rid of some of their spots and make way for the skinny people. I would then set up a marketing program to post advertisements from fast food restaurants in the skinny person section and generate revenue from that. In addition, i would post ads for gym memberships and diet plans in the fat person section. Talk about target marketing!!!! This idea is so good that it hurts. Someone will steal this idea from me and win some award for it i just know it.
Here is my idea. Stores should have parking according to weight classes. For example a skinny person should get front row parking because they really dont need the exercise plus they move faster so they will get their shopping done faster thus opening the parking spot faster for the next person. However fat people would get parking that was really far away making them walk the furthest to get to the store thus helping them get into shape. Their is no question that Americans are becoming obese at an alarming rate and their is also no question that mall parking lots are full of fat people that will drive around for a half hour just so they can wait till a front row parking space opens up. By doing this they increase the chance of both accidents and me writing an entry about them. With this proposal people that are in shape are rewarded for their self dicipline and people that are fat are rewarded with the opportunity to get a workout and burn calories. Parking spaces could just have signs that designate weight class. Handicapped people could still have their spots upfront but i would just reduce the number of spots cause honestly, when have you seen all of the handicapped spots filled with handicapped peoples.....never. At that rate, in 10,000 years this is how many times a handicapped person will be left without a spot......never. Oh wait, exactly. Get rid of some of their spots and make way for the skinny people. I would then set up a marketing program to post advertisements from fast food restaurants in the skinny person section and generate revenue from that. In addition, i would post ads for gym memberships and diet plans in the fat person section. Talk about target marketing!!!! This idea is so good that it hurts. Someone will steal this idea from me and win some award for it i just know it.
posted by mcbride at 12:47 PM
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