Accomplishments
I keep getting bombarded with these stupid ass Coors Light- "here's to accomplishments" commercials. You know the one where some slightly overweight average looking white guy's say stupid shit like "i have once........insert unimpressive "accomplishment" I mean shit, do i have to write commercials for everyone? (see IBM-whats marketing) anyways these commercials just make me feel like drinking bud light and setting some real accomplishments. Either that or they make me feel like punching pete coors in the face, dude, i dont give a shit that your beer is transported in an icey cold train.....congrats....who the fuck uses trains anyways? Whatever so this is the commercial i would make if i were describing my own "accomplishments" P.S. sadly, these are all true, but it makes for a good web entry.
Setting: Me drinking a beer while in the back ground hot girls are holding up my friends while they are doing keg stands
" I have dated a porn star's, cousin's, sister"
" I have taken a shower...... with dirty dishes"
" I have shown my tits on bourbon street..... and had girls throw me beads"
" I have wiped up a spill..... with my dogs tail"
" I have snowboarded..... down a staircase"
" I have flown a kite......near power lines"
" I have peed in a sink......because both stalls were taken"
" I have dressed up as my friend for halloween.....and tried hitting on his girlfriend"
" I have invited police officers to party with me"
" I have ran back into a building during a fire alarm.....to save a pizza"
" I have skateboarded......on a national monument"
" I have spoken Japanese to a Chinese girl.....and confused the shit out of her."
" I have broken into my best friend's house........to play his Nintendo."
" I have had to define the term "blackness"......to a group full of militant black students."
" I have waited 30 min in a line for the bathroom.....just to realize that it was the line to the womens bathroom"
" I have smoked a cigarette, drank coffee, proofread and essay, and eaten a breakfast sandwich at the same time.....while driving....a standard."
" I have been been served pancakes by a southern black woman......that looked like Aunt Jemima"
" I have thrown a 2 keg party......in my dormroom"
" I have knocked out my best friend.....to prevent him from getting alcohol poisoning"
Budlight......Here is to accomplishments, you wish you could forget.
Setting: Me drinking a beer while in the back ground hot girls are holding up my friends while they are doing keg stands
" I have dated a porn star's, cousin's, sister"
" I have taken a shower...... with dirty dishes"
" I have shown my tits on bourbon street..... and had girls throw me beads"
" I have wiped up a spill..... with my dogs tail"
" I have snowboarded..... down a staircase"
" I have flown a kite......near power lines"
" I have peed in a sink......because both stalls were taken"
" I have dressed up as my friend for halloween.....and tried hitting on his girlfriend"
" I have invited police officers to party with me"
" I have ran back into a building during a fire alarm.....to save a pizza"
" I have skateboarded......on a national monument"
" I have spoken Japanese to a Chinese girl.....and confused the shit out of her."
" I have broken into my best friend's house........to play his Nintendo."
" I have had to define the term "blackness"......to a group full of militant black students."
" I have waited 30 min in a line for the bathroom.....just to realize that it was the line to the womens bathroom"
" I have smoked a cigarette, drank coffee, proofread and essay, and eaten a breakfast sandwich at the same time.....while driving....a standard."
" I have been been served pancakes by a southern black woman......that looked like Aunt Jemima"
" I have thrown a 2 keg party......in my dormroom"
" I have knocked out my best friend.....to prevent him from getting alcohol poisoning"
Budlight......Here is to accomplishments, you wish you could forget.
posted by mcbride at 9:00 PM
3 Comments:
you should get a live journal account so everyone who has one can follow you without checking other people who know yous profiles and clicking their link cuz you are hilarious.
also why dont you have a profile on thefacebook.com?
im not really into the whole live journal thing, however i took your advice and set up a profile on facebook
Post a Comment
<< Home