Favor for a Favor

Here is a philosophy that i think everyone should adopt; its called the favor for a favor optional payback program. I really think growing up without money made me realize how unimportant cash really is. Don't get me wrong, it comes in really handy but if joe rogan was pressuring me to eat horse vomit for 50 grand im pretty sure i would break his fucking hip and by pretty sure i mean positive. Money really isn't much of an incentive for me i guess. Neither are possessions. I don't keep a checkbook balance, my money is scattered throughout pockets of jackets, pants, or lying around on my desk. I leave my door unlocked most of the time knowing that people respect me enought that they wouldn't steal from me but if they did i really wouldn't be that upset, it just means that either they need the money more than i do which i am ok with or they just want to go to hell. However i guess stockpiling money caries an equal moral risk. Just something to keep in mind. Knowing this it really bothers me when people keep track of what other people owe them. One concept that i have a firm grasp on is the belief that you should give to people expecting nothing in return. If i give you 2 dollars to buy an ice cream, it's because i know that you want an ice cream and helping you means more than keeping 2 pieces of paper in my wallet. I don't expect you to ever pay me back. I seriously can't stand it when people are like dude you owe me 47 cents from 3 weeks ago.......bullshit i do, i owe you a brick to your teeth. Why do people even bother keeping track of stuff like that. There may come a time however when i will come to you in need of a favor and i hope you will remember my goodwill and repay my favor when you get a chance to. This is how i work. Still confused....here is an equation i made to further explain this concept.

2 cheeseburgers + buy you a drink at the bar + helped you hang a picture on your wall + talked to you when you needed a friend + bought you dinner cause you forgot your wallet = paid your share of the cable bill + helped you unpack boxes + helped shovel your car off + bought you your girlfriend's valentines day gift cause you were broke.

Isn't that amazing, i didn't add any prices to any of the things because who fucking cares.....If you really have friends, they will want to help you, want to give to you, want to see you succeed, and expect nothing in return except doing the same thing for them. Im a huge fan of the barter system. I want to walk into abercrombie and be like "hey i will give you 4 dollars, some fishing bait, a screwdriver, and a box of condoms for that t-shirt over there" It would be about then that they would tell me to go fuck myself either that or say something really gay and trendy but either way it wouldn't work. Basically i think that this idea is too far advanced for most people and or large corperations. That is why it will stay here on this blog in the good company of other revolutionary thoughts and concepts.





Do your friends a favor and share this blog with them.

Anti-Valentines Day Blog

I think i can speak for most guys when i say that valentines day sucks. I'm not the first person to come up with this idea however i really do consider Valentines Day basically a day where guys have to pay a yearly tax on getting laid. And there is so much pressure on getting the perfect gift that says that you payed attention the other 364 days of the year to her needs and wants. Damn. I mean valentines day is strategically placed to hurt more than any other holiday: It is right after Christmas expenses and right when you recieve all of your bills from cleaning out your bank account courtesy of visa and your significant other. Maybe its just me but if i was a girl, i would rather have a boyfriend that was good to me 365 days a year than one that bought me off every feb. 14th. And trust me, guys really would rather have the same, just a quality girlfriend every day of the year, one they are happy to come home to, one that stays by their side no matter what. If you really love a girl, you should treat her special every chance you get, not just cause society has designated a day for it. Buy your girl a dozen roses on a rainy tuesday just cause it will brighten up her day. Kiss her gently goodnight, everynight you can, knowing that she is dreaming of you. Feed her soup when she is sick. Give her your jacket when she is cold, even if you are freezing already. Pray for her at night, before you even pray for yourself. Why does February 14th give guys 24hours to do all the stuff they have been neglecting to do the rest of the year. I say that Valentines day is meaningless if you can't show her you love her every other day.

Truth be told this sadly isn't reality. Valentines day will continue on as a day when Halmark and other love propaganda companies convince guys that its not sincerity and love she wants but infact a pre-made card and expensive chocolates.

But ya know what, whatever, if you girls still want your material holiday and can't see its true meaning then its yours. However guys have launched a counterstike to valentines day. I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS IDEA however its seems to serve the same purpose as valentines day. Thats right ladies, mark your calendars, this March 14th is "Steak and Blowjob Day" basically serving as the guy version of valentines day. Like i said i had nothing to do with this except that i thought it was pretty funny when the idea was brought up during a recent guys night with my friends. The rumor turned out to be true. Here is the website.

http://www.steakandbjday.com/





It's so wrong.....yet.....

It's All Because The Whalers Left Town

As most of you know i grew up outside of Hartford, CT during the Hartford Whaler's era. It was a great time to be a resident of the city of Hartford. The Hartford Civic center was a well attended venue and not only served as a workplace for thousands of the cities underskilled workers but as an area of commerce that prospered from the influx of dedicated fans. Downtown had a great night-life scene packed with great restaurants, bars, and clubs. Bushnell park was a safe place to relax downtown and enjoy a small escape from the cities hectic pace. Hartford, CT is the insurance capital of the World but those types of jobs don't really draw in the underskilled workers that now find themselves without a job, without a home, and without hope. This is an article i read about the status of Hartford today.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6988164/

please read, its actually kinda sad.


Now im not an idiot, i know the sole reason that Hartford is in such poor socioeconomic shape isn't just because of the Whalers leaving town but perhaps that event served as foreshadowing. Here is an entry i wrote about Hartford:

http://ryanmcbride.blogspot.com/2004/10/no-wonder-whalers-left-town.html


O.k. i changed my mind, The reason Hartford is such a dump is 100% because the Whalers left town. That would explain when everyone is stressed out and depressed, why people resort to violence, why kids aren't motivated to learn. You can toss out the propaganda as much as you want having banners atop hartfords high rises claiming "Hartford, New England's Rising Star"

Rising Star? Hartford was once up for consideration to be the capital of the U.S. Rising star? Here is a new idea for a banner that would say the same thing just in clearer terms:

Hartford, Yeah, we kinda suck


I'll end this blog with a classic quote:

"Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Renee, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime." -- Brodie Bruce, "Mallrats"



Bring back the Whalers!

"Whaler owner Peter Karmanos moved his team to Carolina complaining of lack of fan support. (bullshit!) While the team played two years in a temporary building in Greensboro, N.C., they drew only 5,000 or so fans a game. Might as well have stayed in Hartford."

Fact: People stopped caring about the NHL after the Whalers left Hartford

Valentines Day Blog Marathon Has Been Cancelled Cause I Am Pissed Off

So the other day i was being a stalker and checking other people's away messages when i got some crazy ass away message virus that basically just puts up links to pictures that contain virus's and evil. Basically nothing good can come out of it. Sometimes computers just piss me off. Everyone always thinks that i really like computers cause i have this blog and frequently contribute to it and so on. Wrong. I mean shit if i could just get you all together and i could just stand on a soap box with a mega-phone and complain, that would be a lot better for me however this is my reality. Its reasons like computer virus's and the people that make them that turned me off from the idea to owning one of these things till my sophmore year of college. Seriously, who the fuck makes a computer virus. I think being annoying on that level should be a serious crime. Like 20 years in jail, fuck it 50 i don't even care, i'm never going to make a computer virus so i really don't care how long you put the fuckers away for. Its seriously so annoying that i want to rent the movie "Hackers" and return it to blockbuster in pieces after hitting it with a sledgehammer. That is the level of tension i have towards this issue.

Speaking of people that are annoying and fuck up other people technological experiences. Have you noticed anything new about my blog? Like how random words are underlined and linked to websites so that way they can sell you things. Isn't that so cool? If you answered NO you are correct. This would be since i gave no consent to these companies and or blogger.com to use my masterpieces as a tool for some lazy ass marketing team that can't think of their own stuff to draw people into their products. I am being used, and i am pissed. This is the actual email that i sent to blogger.com's help "desk" Hope you enjoy it. P.S. If any newspapers want to hire me to write for them or to use my past blogs, im seriously thinking of switching to a different form of media, just leave a comment. ACTUAL EMAIL: 2/15

"The other day i clicked on my blog and i noticed links that were not put there by me and without my consent to websites of companies that are selling products using my website as a vehicle to market though cause they can't come up with their own ideas. The fact is that i am not making money off this and giving them basically free space to where thousands of people (check the counter) come to read about how much people like them suck. If they would like to use my space to advertise, i would like to be compensated. I hope this isn't some scheme blogger.com came up with to make money. I thought that you guys stood for different principles if that is infact the case. Either way, im upset, please write back and feel free to read my page. All of it. Im pretty sure it's awesome and by pretty sure i mean positive. Thanks again."



Blogger.com didn't realize that i will now do things in spite of them.

I Thought I Already Went Over This?

Ok, i know i went over this. Seriously, i have said time and time again that people should just pay me to think of things. Like i want to cry every time i find out that some asshole marketing team was paid millions probably to come up commercials that make me not buy their products out of spite cause they suck so much. Why can't they just ask me what would work and what wouldn't. Why didn't Ben Affleck ask me before he did "Daredevil" if it was a good idea. Why didn't Michael Jordan ask me if a comeback was a good idea? Why didn't the director of "Lake Placid" just come to me and be like, "dude, do you think its a good idea to have a film about a giant crocodile eating people in upstate new york, i mean i'm just throwing this idea out there, but i see big things for this idea." Seriously, how much was the budget for that movie, what like 15 mil? They should have just asked me up front with 1 million dollars if the idea would work. I would have taken the money, said" fuck no!" and then saved them 14 million dollars of embarassment. Basically i think that i should be a life consultant. I don't even know if that is a real job, but i was born for it. In some cases i have already done the research on a subject yet some asshole team of scientists make bank while they could have just bought me a case of beer and used my findings to prove their hypothesis and i would have been cool with it. It would have saved a ton of time and money. Here are some new findings on health that are no suprise to me or anyone that reads my blog and beleives that i know what im talking about. "TRENTON, New Jersey (AP) -- Confirming the wisdom of the poets and philosophers, doctors say the sudden death of a loved one really can cause a broken heart.
In fact, they have dubbed the condition "broken heart syndrome." The study concluded that spouses that lose loved ones often loose the will to live and that their heart suffers greatly causeing actual physical problems.

I love it how all the scientists were so shocked about their findings, they should have just read this blog of mine which pretty much corresponds pretty nicely to the whole broken heart thing.

http://ryanmcbride.blogspot.com/2004/12/guys-are-sensitive.html

Why were scientists even involved with this, shouldn't they be trying to find cures for the common cold. Don't sweat this guys, i got it covered.





People would hire me as a life consultant.

I'm Starting to Hate My TV

For many years when i was younger i had a special bond with my television. I knew that every morning it would entertain me with cartoons, i could watch "The Price is Right" during the mid-day in addition to other mindless yet entertaining gameshows. After school programing was decent; usually GI Joe's or some other show that just made me want to go outside in camoflauge and punch someone. Prime time programing was awesome back in the day, yeah we had a medical drama too, it was called M*A*S*H. Basically the premesis of this show was that people would get blown up and then go to these medical doctors and they would just tell jokes about the victims. Other than that the rest was details. We even had a crime drama. It was called "Miami Vice." This show just oozed casual sex. All these guys did was solve crimes and by "solve" i mean shoot suspects. Case closed. In the meantime they were basically slutting around Miami and wearing pastels. Usually i would be against men wearing powder blue suits with a pink button up however i know that they did it just to be like "we can even dress this rediculous and still get laid." Other than that they just drove expensive cars, drank on the job, carried sawed-off shotguns, and ........nope, thats about it. This was the second best show on TV besides "The A-TEAM" see- http://ryanmcbride.blogspot.com/2004/11/not-even-up-for-debate.html After that i would just sit back and watch the Hartford Whalers lose 5-2 to "insert any team" I loved my TV.

Unfortunatly that feeling of bliss cut short. Instead of watching 3's company i now have to watch "7 stranger's, picked to live in a house (by their demographics to insure controversy and sexual tension) Either that or i can watch a guy that looks prettier than the girls he is picking through give out roses after sleeping with all 25 of them to see which one is the best in bed. There may be other parts of the show like a plot but i haven't picked up on them yet and i haven't been called out on this either so deal with it. I can watch people chug sheep vomit for a chance at 50 thousand dollars and for joe rogan to announce "aparently fear is not a factor for you" Dear Joe Rogan, If you were to say that same phrase to the surviving soldiers that stormed the beaches of Normandy and awarded them each 50 grand for their unmatched display of bravery and fearlessness, maybe then i would agree with you. I watched this show the other day and it was so original! It was a drama about doctors and or crime investigation and i thought to myself, wow, I wish there were 11 more shows just like this. Then my dream instantly came true. Im so pissed right now that i don't even want to finish this blog. Brb..................k, i just pounded a beer. Now i feel somewhat better. But seriously, reality TV? Can't you just look out a window? yeah just sit infront of a window with a bag of chips and watch reality. It would cut down on your cable bill and electric bill. I don't really care about if 2 people swap wives or if a bunch of "queer" guys want to rub a man down with lotion and put him in capri's so he can get the girl. Honestly i would rather watch the cosby show where life was simple. Bill Cosby just told jokes, made babies, and then delivered babies. Or just watch the fresh prince just make fun of carlton for 30 min. When i want to see reality, i go outside, or just look around. When i turn on my TV i want it to be an escape from reality, a place where i can just push the outside world away and relax. A place where "Full House" has nothing to do with the fucking "World Series of Poker" but has all your old pals like "Uncle Jessie, Bob Saget and so on" I want shows like "Who's the Boss" or "Charles in Charge" Oh well, there is always reruns on Tbs. Bring back quality TV programming, bring back the Hartford Whalers.

The cast of "Miami Vice" taking a short break from sleeping with every woman in Miami.

I Know My Calculus

f (x) = who fucking cares. Honestly, if it can't be done by putting apples into baskets, it has no place in my math class. Math has always haunted me ever since the days of flashcards. Failing algebra 2 twice in high school almost cost me the opportunity to go to college in the first place. When i finally did make it to college i was greeted with a class called "college algebra" Here is a math equation for you: 4 years of algebra in high school = C in "college algebra" basically proving that i will never be good at algebra.....ever. Then came Statistics class. Here is a list of things i would rather do than statistics:

-get a papercut on my eyeball
-watch "the view"
-get hit in the nuts with the backswing of a golf club
-ride my bike into a parked car


The major flaw with statistics is that it doesn't matter to anyone or anything. Trust me. Stats fails to take into consideration that little thing called the X-factor, that thing that goes against all logic and changes all probabilities instantly. Here is another equation: i go to about 70 % of my classes so the probability that i will go to my next class would be .7 however i am really hungover and its a review session so what is the probability that i will go to my next class. I'll tell you this.....sorry statistics but it ain't 70% pal. True Story: I remember one time i was casually holding my statistics textbook while having a conversation with one of my suitemates. Out of no where i took my book and threw it as hard as i could against the wall and yelled at my book, "What was the probability of that happening? Yeah, I bet you didn't see that one coming!!" I had just demonstrated the X-factor to my textbook rendering the life works of some author completely meaningless. Congrats, i win. So with all this in mind, i procrastinated on the fact that i would probably have to take Calculus to graduate. Everyone that i talked to laughed at me when i told them that i was in calc yet never had pre-calc or trig. I knew math was going to get the upper hand on me again. I didn't let it. I dropped that class like a bad habbit. I told my step dad (Len) today that i dropped calc. Here are actual quotes from him that i would like to share with you. "Calculus? who needs that fucking shit, you tell me some asshole learns that and he is going to use it? That stupid x's and o's bullshit (at this point i almost lose it and piss myself i am laughing so hard) Who is making you take that garbage? I'd like to go down there and show him a thing or two about life and how it works to normal people." The fact that Len wanted to fight my teacher over the principle that he taught calculus has made my day so far. So once again i am in a low level math, where i belong, happy and content counting apples and oranges.





Math hates the fact that i am happy now.

Find Your Personality Type!

I couldn't believe how accurate this was, you have to answer each question to the your fullest ability, the only rule is that you can't scroll down ahead or it won't work.


Name:
Age:

1. Do others see you as a leader?


2. Do you enjoy a challenge


3. How important are possessions to you on a scale of 1- 10


4. Is music a big part of your life?


5. Have you ever commited a felony?


6. Do you wear jewelery?


7. What is your favorite car?


8. Where were you born?


9. Are you an active individual?


10. How strong are your moral values?


COMPILING DATA...













YOU'RE AN: IDIOT!

if you think that stupid ass personality test like this define you as a person and encompass all of your traits by asking generalized questions. I have never understood the logic of someone that has to take a test to figure out who they are, can't you just like think about it and figure it out? It makes no sense. I just made up this one that i used above but I had to take one of these fuckers for my marketing class and it was so off i was embaressed by the unoriginal tool that the test said i was. The test concluded that i was wild about fashion and staying with the latest fashion crazes. (I shop at the salvation army) It also concluded that I looked forward to challenges with excitement. ( I just dropped calc 127 and switched to an easier math) Then i remembered that the people that probably made up the personality test are probably sitting on a beach somewhere laughing at my marketing teacher and his students while we fumble around basing our life decisions around the results of their masterpiece. The test had 8 possible results because everyone knows that there are only 8 types of people in the world. If you buy into this shit you are probably the person that breaks up with their boyfriend because your horoscope says that you aren't compatible and because aquarius was visable early this month and that is obviously a sign from the sun god. And if for some reason that you think these test are successful in determining your personality.....here is how i would define you without even seeing your results........shallow. How about trying to figure out who you really are by perservering though tough times, i dunno, it worked for me. Just a suggestion.