Daily Planners Are To Boring Individuals As Denial Is To Alcoholics

When ever i purchase a daily planner its like im making a new years resolution. At first i am really excited about it, thinking that it is going to completely alter my life and have long lasting potential. However like new years resolutions, my daily planner is basically forgotten in a week. I may never learn to not spend $10 dollars on a new daily planner every year. Each year i say this year is going to be different. This will be the year that i plan exactly what i am going to be doing at 2:35 pm on tuesday, june anything. And i will plan this in April. This is the year when use all the little reminder stickers on the back page and put them in the proper dates.

Well not this fucking year.....this is the year that i am planning to throw out my daily planner. I say fuck it, most of the best experiences i've ever had in my life have come spontaneously and without proper planning. They have been filled with poor judgement and emergency improv, and dashed with a touch of luck- i've survived to tell about them.

What is wrong with the people who need to plan everything?

"Well at 7:15 i am going to wake up in the morning and at 7:25 im going to brush my teeth and use the bathroom, then at 7:40 i am going to walk down the hallway,....."

What the fuck is that!? honestly....it probably takes up half the day just writing that stupid shit in your book. By the time you are finished its fucking obsolete. Seriously though, how boring of a life do you have if you know exactly what is going to happen each day. Half the time i don't even know what day it is and that is the beauty of it all. The beauty of controling my own life whenever i want and letting go of control....whenever i want. Not having to refer to my little book for guidence.

"um yeah susan i would love to go on a date with you but my daily planner says i can't"

Ladies, if you are having sex with guys that have daily planners you need to seriously rethink that. I bet he even plans out his sex.

8:04 pm - i start kissing her neck
8:07 pm - im taking off my socks

"Im sorry hunny we really need to hurry this up, we are behind schedule"

hey like i said, it'll never be my problem. I think my daily planner is under my couch where it belongs. Ya know what is even better than people that swear by daily planners....the people that buy those palm pilots to use as a daily planner and never use them.

Fact: My marketing class has roughly 300 people in it. A survey of that sample population showed that roughly half of the class had an electronic daily planner. Not suprised cause half the people in that class are complete idiots so i feel this survey must be accurate. Out of those 150 people.....none, 0% of them used their daily planners every day. Hmm...doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of a daily planner. you probably bought your palm pilot to look pseudo important yet i am completely ruining you infront of an audience of thousands of people. Maybe you can plan a better day for yourself tomorrow.



* people didn't plan to read this website everyday

This Page Has Been Brought To You By The Good People At...

Seriously, im not sure how many more commercial breaks i can take. I mean this shouldn't be new to anyone. Television and Radio just pump out interesting content to keep you long enough to hard sell products to you that you don't need. Thats showbiz. Thats why recliners are so comfortable, its so that you don't want to get up during commercials (its a conspiracy) Even though its not, i really wouldn't be very suprised if Coca-Cola dumped money into Lazy Boy recliners research and development account as a marketing scheme to insure a consumer audience. I mean i love watching coke commercials. Here is a joke that Coca-Cola should incorporate into their marketing campaign. "How many illiterate 3rd world country children that play soccer barefoot in the streets do you need to target to make people feel good about your brand? Enough so that the children will save up their money to buy your product instead of medication, food, books, and other staples that coke deem unimportant to developing nations as long as the children drink coke. Seriously, like all coke commercials are is a bunch of feel good globalization acceptance speeches.

Advertising seriously needs to just chill the fuck out. Like this is what i expect to see when i turn on my TV....sadly this is probably not a dramatization.

Welcome back from a long commercial break we'll tally the votes next after we get back from this next word from our sponsors, this is Amercian Idol brought to you by Cingular Wireless whose employees wear Nike sneakers stay courtousy of Hilton Hotels who light their hotels using only GE electricity whose president drinks snapple which is made from the best stuff on earth, the earth is brought to you by God courtesy of Microsoft. Im Ryan Seacrest and I am a Robot.

If i heard that i don't even think i would flinch. Like thats how unsuprised i would be. I went to the movies the other day and it was just like a giant ad for Coke. Like i can't remember what happened in the movie, i just remember that .......hmm....there was this guy and......wait i remember at the end there was a.......hmm....im tired, why do i want a refeshing ice cold coca cola.....hmm, maybe its cause i was fucking drilled with their propaganda for like a half an hour before the movie started.

And why are company's so fucking politically correct. Why doesn't anyone make any strong moves or say how they really feel anymore.

McDonalds, we really want you to be happy as long as you associate happiness as everlasting and have no negative image of the word and if you do then we hate happiness, we also like your favorite songs and if you don't have a favorite song then neither do we.

Why don't companies just say ridiculous stuff to make people laugh and gain brand recognition though publicity, i would if i was in change of marketing. Here are some slogans i would come up with.

Amercian Eagle- "We hate eskimos!"

Pepsi- "Britney is still kinda hot right?"

Home Depot- "We bet you 10 dollars that you can't build a house"

Sprite- "Honestly, we really ain't be tryin to market ta inna city youth bitch!"

Starbucks- "Only 1% of our coffee is actually fair trade certified because we don't actually give a fuck about the planet.

Microsoft-" We own you....haha...no seriously"


Like im pretty sure that sales would skyrocket for all of these companies....or completely plummet but i mean the world could use less big business anyways right? Oh well....i am going to enjoy some delicious and refreshing country time lemonade which is on sale right now at participating stores near you.



People will now close their eyes during movie previews as a protest against coca-cola.

FYI

Couple updates about the page: first of all thanks for all your support. I recently changed my settings so that anyone can leave comments under any blog, even past blogs. This is new from my old format of only allowing blogger members to leave comments. Now you can just leave comments that you wished you were able to leave before, we can exchange recipies, and gossip like a bunch of schoolgirls now. Or not. Either way i'll do what i can to respond to all of your comments, praise, ideas, underdeveloped thoughts, and or angy yelling venom.

love always,
mcbride

Put An End To Metrosexuality....Ladies

I tried earlier to fathom why a girl would want to be with a metrosexual guy. Its seriously like a fucking plauge. Ladies, aren't you tired of seeing abercrombie models stoping at every mirror they can find to make sure that their eyebrows are properly groomed? Don't you want a real man? I was always under the impression that women wanted a man with scars, that changes oil, and drinks milk out of the carton. If you answered no.....you are fucking lying to yourself and you and every other guy knows it. I don't even care what responses i get from this blog, ladies love manliness. Seriously girls, consider this: just about every girl (and guy) on the face of the planet wanted to have sex with brad pitt after watching fight club. Seriously, all he did during the movie was live in a shitty busted ass house, got in fights, had sex with random girls, smoked cigarettes, fixed stuff, grew facial hair, played with harmful chemicals, made fun of people, and started a club for angry men. Oh wow, yeah this blog is starting to make sense to you....did i just help you put your finger on why you were so attracted to brad pitt in fight club. Brad Pitt represented everything that you ladies claim you hate about guys but im calling you out right here and right now....you fucking loved his character in the movie. There...now thats over we can focus on more pressing issues like the one at hand. I say both men and women team up to put an end to metrosexuality....im sick of being nice, im sick of having manners over this shit. We need to end this....think about the children in the world who are going to be brought up without the knowledge of how to use a chainsaw. Think about the downfall of the beef jerkey industry. We can't let this happen. This is the thing though....guys do will whatever to get girls. Example: and i really hope this isn't new to anyone

Ladies night= girls get in free with reduced price drinks making a bar full of drunk girls with money.........hmmm......now come the guys, guys know that girls are at ladies night drunk, they go to ladies night and buy already drunk ladies lots of drinks and they themselves get really drunk to grow balls to actually talk to these drunk girls. At the end of the night guys are flocking into the bar like bees to a hive.

This is how we work. Seriously if hot drunk girls lived at the north pole an expedition of men would have already been sent out to find them. Basically guys do whatever they think will work to get the girl...anything.....if brooke burke told me that tying ballons to my ankles was hot...i would do it till i floated away.

Basically im kind of saying that this whole metrosexual thing may be more ladies fault then guys. We just do what we think will get us the girl. I don't blame metrosexuals for their faults, oh wait yes i do, but i blame the false idea that this will help get them laid even more. Like seriously guys, why the pink shirts, why pop your collar? Even Elton John would take one look at you and be like, wow, that is so gay.

I think if more women acted on their desires to date real men, metrosexuality would disapear in like 10 seconds....from now on ladies, compliment guys on their hoodies and sweatpants. Date the guy who can fix a flat tire the fastest. cheer when your boyfriend wins a drinking contest or any other form of competition that is completely unecessary and dangerous. Go for the guy who owns a pair of jean with holes that he didn't pay extra for and weren't put on their by the fucking manufacturer. Get a crush on the captain of the rugby team. Flirt with a guy who is missing teeth. Be impressed with the guy that can blow smoke rings or flip a cigarette in his mouth. Date a guy with a scar on his face cause he probably got it while saving babies from tigers in uganda but even if he didn't get it that way, it was probably from doing something manly like falling of his bike into a snakepit. Ladies if you are currently dating a metrosexual just throw out all his clothes and buy him nothing but tshirts and jeans and make him wear them for like a month straight and he should probably stain them to with manly stuff like barbque sauce and motor oil. By the end of the month he should be cured and your sex life will improve. Either that or just dump him and tell him its because you want a real man. Well now that i have solved that issue i think its time for a drink.

Maybe If You Lost Your Online Degree You Could Just Print Out Another One

Im hungover and pissed off and I still went to class today....what does this have to do with this blog? Everything. I really think college is a lot more than recieving passing grades in order to get a degree. So how do you justify recieving an online degree. Its such a fucking joke to sit at a computer for 8 years and then think you can become a psychologist with your "degree" I wouldn't even hire you to bag my groceries because honestly, you probably are an anti-social elitist who only recieved an online degree to pass the time while downloading porn. Since when could you recieve an online degree and become a cop, all without ever having to even interact with another real person. "What seems to be the problem officer?" "Well im sorry m'am but this is the first time i have interacted with a humun in 4 years so please be patient. I also have now forgotten how to write with a pen so im afraid you will have to write your own ticket. Instead of handing it to me you can just email it to me cause that is the only form of transaction that i know. Ok, well i am going to sign off, just slow down next time." I really truly believe that this is exactly the caliber of police work that someone with an online degree would be capable of. The best part is that with 8 years of sitting in front of my computer i could be a medical doctor. Yeah maybe i could work for WEB M.D. haha. Actually those are the only people that would hire me cause i would actually never have treated a real patient. Im sure that i could convince them to let me do open heart surgury because after all, "I used some really good simulation programs where my cursor was the scapal and i just double clicked where i wanted to cut. Then i just cut and pasted for about 20 minutes and the computer program said the surgury was a success." Seriously, like is anyone seeing my point here. It's just a joke. What good are these online degrees? I took an online course over the winter break and i learned 1 thing: If you take an online class, you will learn nothing. Like is said college is about setting an alarm and waking up hungover and walking 20 min in the snow just to find out that your class got switched to another building, 20 min in the direction that you just came from. College is about doing presentations in front of the class. College is about having to do a big project and being paired up with the ugliest, smelliest, dumbest, laziest kid in your class and having it count for 80% of your grade. College is about getting made fun of and drawn on when you puke and pass out. College is about trudging 10 min. though snow and ice to get to your next meal, not just opening the fridge in your kitchen. College is about studying while your friends blare songs on repeat and then leave campus for 5 hours with their door locked so you cant go in and turn it off. Getting an online degree is like saying...."I'm an anti-social pussy that can't hang and i wet my bed still."


96% HIGHLY SATISFIED
Find out why 96% of our alumni surveyed chose "highly satisfied" to describe their University of Phoenix Online experience.

(Yeah i would be pretty fucking satisfied if i just woke up when i wanted to, sat down at my computer in my boxers with a cup of coffee and then masterbated during discussion and then got a degree)





I wonder if they email you your online degree?

Classic Disclaimer From Back Before I Had A Webpage

Disclaimer: Everything that I say in my profile/away message is right in every sense and always has been. If you disagree, your life is a joke and you are wrong and have been wrong probably your whole life. If you are even thinking about disagreeing with my views, it is because you don’t have the mental capacity to withstand such intellectual dialect. I would place a bet on the fact that your parents were wrong and brought you up on false information as well. In disagreeing you forfeit the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Furthermore, upon interaction with people, you have probably displayed your wrong views to poor naive individuals and they agreed with you because they were wrong.....that was the only time you were right.